beep beep

....If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again, or dial the operator to assist you.

*elevator music plays throughout* Your call is very important to us please continue to hold.

Were sorry, all lines are currently busy. Please hold and the next 911 operator will assist you...

The number you have reached is no longer in service. Please hang up and learn how to use a motherfucking phone!

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Video/song related

For English press one, para espanol numero dos por favor.

Two can play at that game PJ!

Engarde!

If you're calling to report an internet outage problem, did you know you can report problems online? Visit our website at. . .

When your call is connected your credit card will be charged $3.99 per min while you remain on the phone.

The wireless subscriber you are trying to reach is not accepting incoming messages at this time.

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?
I say "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
"WHO IS IT?"
They're not sayin' anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"
"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"
And he's like "Tough"
And I'm like "Give it"
And he's like "Make me"
And I'm like "'Kay"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice
And you know what it said?
I'll tell you what it said

It said
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment.

Welcome to comcast home of xfinity, for english press 1

"You gotta wait for the beep..."

Your call is important to us please hold while we play this shitty music and the next available operator that can't speak clear English will be right with you.

We're sorry we are experiencing high call volumes at this time. Your spot in line is Forty.. Seven... Please continue to hold. Thank you.

Opening - "Thank you for calling Ticketbastards, where we provide, "World Class Customer Bullsh*t". This is ******, how may I take your money today?"

Closing - "...and before we let you go, we like to pitch you this useless upsell and shove this advertising d*ck up your @$$ a little bit deeper, would that be something that would interest you today? No? Well thank you for calling Ticketbastards, you have a great day...."

Thank you for contacting the IRS. All of our representatives are currently busy but if you remain on hold, the next available representative will be with you shortly. Current wait time... 57 minutes...

"Thank you for calling Papa John's please hold?"

Please hold while we move your non bst thread to everything else.