Hello everyone and welcome to the latest installment of the Weekly Contests! Arrrrr, me hearties, it's your favorite high seas-sailing, kraken-killing, treasure-burying, rum-guzzling, scurvy-suffering, dual-peg-legged pirate Bimm-Beard the One-Eyed here and I've been asked by NintendoAge's own bimmy_lee to introduce you guys to the next Weekly Contest challenge. So...um...uh...hi there. Uh...yeah...um...yeah...uh...yeah. So...um...what's up? Okay, I'm not really sure what I should be doing right now. Bimmy didn't give me any details on what to do. He just said “Can you host the next Weekly Contest on NintendoAge? My brother, Jimmy, kidnapped my girlfriend and I need to get her back. This might take me a while.” Well, how could I say no? I've stolen my share of wenches over the years, so I know what it's like to chase after some hot and sweet pussy, ar-har-har-har. So, what would Bimmy do right about now? No, seriously, what would he do? I'm not joking at all. I'm at a total loss as to what to do. I don't do this kind of crap. I'm a pirate, remember? I make prisoners walk the plank, drink rum, bury treasure I steal from villages, drink rum, dig up hidden treasure from rival pirates, drink rum, make love to hot, big-breasted wenches, drink rum, sharpen my hook-hand, drink rum, polish my ship's cannonballs, and drink more rum, not host video game contests. Tell me, what would Bimmy do right now? Would he tell a lame joke? Make a video game reference? Quote a movie or a song? Give himself some sort of dumb name related to his NintendoAge username? Please, oh please, help a Bimmy-named guy out! I'm not good at starting conversations at all, and I usually have my sidekick Jerbilly the Pabst Blue Ribbon-Pounding Moofmilker at my side to start zany conversations with the likes of “Did someone say ass-to-mouth” or “Hey, baby, I'll show you my 'Lethal Weapon'” or "I'll show you the 'can of Spam in my pocket'" or the immortal "Don't eat too many hotdogs," but he's missing right now. In the meantime, I guess I'll have to learn the art of “Jerbilly-speak” to get this contest started. Oh boy, this could be tough. I think I'm going to need to drink some rum to be able to do this. And a lot of it, too. Ah, what do we have here. Well, pillage me some plundered, precious prizes! Secure me some sweet and sexy swag! (And I'm talking about treasure and not that stupid Millennial term for something cool). I've found an unopened bottle of my favorite rum, Kraken Black-Spiced Rum! Seems fitting for an old seadog such as myself. Let me show off to all of you a picture of the booty which I have discovered below the decks of my fabled ship, the Double Dragon's Revenge:
Give me a few minutes to suck down this bottle and then I should be ready to get this contest underway.
*Fifteen minutes and a half gallon of Kraken Black-Spiced Rum later*
Okay, I'm actually pretty drunk right now and ready to introduce the contest, so if I say some really weird and crazy and inappropriate stuff, blame it on the rum. So, you guys all like motorboating? Of course you do! You guys like to get wet? Who doesn't! You guys like big buoys? Oh, I do, I do! Do you like big boats and cannot lie? Oh yeah, I like big boats too! Mmmmmmm, big boats! You guys all like to get “nauti?” I know I do! Who wants a life preserver to practice safe boating? None of you, because you're all real men and don't use protection! Oh, who likes to drop their big, hard, anchor down into the deep, dark depths and keep it firmly attached there? Yeah, I know you like to do it as much as me. You all like to blast a huge sea serpent all over it's face, chest, and right down its throat with your machine gun? Oh man, that's the best! With Cobra Triangle on the NES, you can experience all of these things! So, grab a couple of hot bikini girls, pound down some beers, and jump in your speedboat for some thrilling action out on the open water (alcohol and boating sounds like fun...I don't see how that could possibly go wrong...) Impress those bikini-clad beauties by jumping treacherous waterfalls, dodging dangerous whirlpools, rescuing helpless civilians from ruthless pirates, and blasting the likes of Nessie, Jaws, Draygon, Leatherhead, Bubble Man, and Jar Jar Binks into a million pieces. Yeah, that's right, Jaws. I'm on a boat, bitch! What are you gonna do about it? Nothing! You can't stop me, motherfucker, 'cause I'm on a boat! Damn, this Cobra Triangle game sounds like a better thrillride than Waterworld and Point Break (the remake) and Speed 2 combined! Yeah, that's right, I insulted those crappy movies! What, some of you like those movies? I may have never seen them, and it could be the rum talking, and it's likely the rum talking, but those movies suck! Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? Fight me? Go ahead! I have a...hook hand...and...a one-eyed parrot...and...two peg legs...and...a sharp sword...and...an eye-patch....and...an Abobo ready to clog a toilet...and...uh...okay, I may not have a leg to stand on (and I don't because they're both made of wood and they're peg legs after all), but I still stick to my opinions that those movies suck (come on, you all know you agree with me)! Anyway, if you impress those bikini girls enough, they just might do something super-crazy with you. Oh yes, I'm absolutely, positively serious about this. More positive than a proton, a very nice compliment, and Magic Johnson himself combined! Yeah, that's right, you guessed it...those girls will take you out for a burger, ha ha ha! Uh, what's wrong with that? You're a bad enough dude to jump waterfalls, kill sea serpents, and rescue civilians, and bad dudes like you get rewarded with a burger! Hey, it may not be a burger-date with President Ronnie or President George, but it's still a burger-date...with two bikini hotties! I mean, just imagine all the hottness involved. The steaming, meat patties, the toasted buns, the melted cheese, the spicy, special sauce, the sharp onions, the tangy barbecue sauce, the tongue-burning pepper, and the hot, flaming jalapeno peppers snuck in there by a certain snickering dog named Muttley. That's one hot burger! I mean, that's a burger that would make the likes of Chef Peter Pepper and Ray Kroc and Dave Thomas and Guy Fieri drool with hunger and moist in the nether regions. Okay, the rum is starting to make me spin more than the Tasmanian Devil during a session of dizzy bat on a merry-go-round inside a washing machine sucked into a tornado. Before I go “pass out” with the bikini-clad hotties with the rest of the rum and an assortment of other things I won't mention, here's what you need to know to make yourself a bad enough dude at Cobra Triangle:
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Play until Game Over. You may use all of your continues
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No 1-up leeching in the first stage, or in any other stage, is allowed
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Take your picture on the High Scores screen
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If you loop the score, you must take a picture just before looping it and after looping it. -----UPDATE----- And take your final score picture in the game rather than on the high score screen.
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Highest score wins
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Participation: 20,000
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GENRE: Arcade
The contest ends Sunday, 3/18/18 at 11 PM NA time. Your user name MUST be written or typed on a piece of paper and be in the picture for your score to be valid. The entire TV screen, or computer monitor if you are playing on an emulator, MUST be in the picture for the score to be valid. No partial screenshots will be considered or accepted. No screenshots by hitting "print screen" on a computer will be allowed. You must take a picture of your computer monitor. There may be instances where this will be acceptable, but it will be at the discretion of myself and the contest organizers. Also, the use of turbo controllers is forbidden, as well as any cheat codes, Game Genies, slow motion functions, or save states if playing on an emulator. Also, we will only be using NTSC systems for the contests. The use of PAL systems will NOT be allowed. Good luck everyone and have fun
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