Thank you Santa for reporting the latest news. And thank you Brock Landers for that very special interview with NintendoAge member Mega Tank. What an entertaining discussion! We now turn to sports where our very own April O'Neil is down on the football field with the lead quarterback for Team Bimmy, Bimmy Elway. Take it away, April!
APRIL: Thanks Bimmy! I'm here with famed quarterback, Bimmy Elway, whose team was challenged to a game of football by Team Adobo this past week. Bimmy, what can you tell us about Team Adobo?
BIMMY: Well, April, we've never played these guys before. Team Abobo was suddenly destroyed when I happened to kill all their players a couple weeks ago and...
APRIL: Wait, you KILLED them all!?
BIMMY: Um...uh...I mean...uh...they all just mysteriously vanished. Yeah...vanished. Team Abobo is all gone. So suddenly, these new guys calling themselves "Team Adobo" show up...and they look a lot like Bo Abobo and his crew.
APRIL: So, what was the outcome of the game?
BIMMY: Well, we never finished it.
APRIL: You guys didn't finish the game?
BIMMY: Nope, not at all. We only got about halfway through before it ended.
APRIL: Wait, none of this makes any sense. First you say the game wasn't finished and then you say it ended halfway through a normal football game? What the heck happened?
BIMMY: I'll tell you what happened, those stupid Adobos are a bunch of CHEATERS!
APRIL: They cheated?
BIMMY: Yep, those dummyheads are no better than those stupid Abobos were.
APRIL: Well, how did they cheat?
BIMMY: First of all, they swapped out all of the balls with deflated ones so they could handle them better. I should have known it was bound to happen. I mean, their star quarterback's name was Bo AboBrady. If you're a quarterback with a last name like Brady, you've got to be a cheater.
APRIL: Bimmy, isn't that a bit harsh to say?
BIMMY: Nope, not at all. Sometimes, the truth hurts.
APRIL: Did they cheat in any other way?
BIMMY: They sure as hell did! Every time I went to throw the ball, they would nose dive tackle me! Like, what the hell? It was forbidden in the rules this week!
APRIL: Forbidden in the rules this week? I'm not following...
BIMMY: Didn't you read the rules for the contest this week? Nose dive tackling was forbidden!
APRIL: I must have missed that part...
BIMMY: If you're asking me a stupid question like that, you obviously didn't read the rules, did you, April?
APRIL: Bimmy, calm down.
BIMMY: Sorry, I can't help it.
APRIL: So, what else did they do?
BIMMY: We didn't give them a chance to try to cheat anymore, so we decided to play their own game against them.
APRIL: So you guys cheated too?
BIMMY: I wouldn't call it cheating. I would call it creative thinking.
APRIL: So you guys did cheat.
BIMMY: They used nose dive tackles on us, so why shouldn't we use it on them?
APRIL: And what happened when you used it on them?
BIMMY: Well, one of our guys caught Bo AboBrady with a nose dive tackle, knocking his helmet free. That was when the unthinkable happened.
APRIL: And what was that?
BIMMY: Bo AboBrady was really Bo Abobo!
APRIL: I thought you said you killed him?
BIMMY: I thought I had, too. I mean, I left him on that crumbling helipad as Jimmy, Marian, and I flew away in the helicopter and...
APRIL: Your story is changing. First you said you killed him, then you said he mysteriously vanished, and now you're saying you were responsible for his death. Are you covering something up?
BIMMY: Uh...um...uh...no...no, not at all. Bo Abobo...he...uh...just mysteriously...vanished. That's...uh...my story and...uh...um...I'm sticking to it.
APRIL: If you insist.
BIMMY: I do insist. Are we live right now?
APRIL: Yes we are.
BIMMY: Oh. Well, can't you go back and edit out any mention of killing?...not that I actually killed anyone...
APRIL: No, we can't. I said it was live TV.
BIMMY: Well !$%@ing mother!$%@ing !$%@
APRIL: Bimmy, you can't say those words on TV.
BIMMY: Well, I just said them, didn't I?
APRIL: Moving along, what happened when Bo AboBrady was revealed to be Bo Abobo?
BIMMY: My eyes bugged out of my head and my jaw dropped to the ground like the Battletoads when they see a large enemy approaching. I'll tell ya, I was more surprised than the time my brother, Jimmy, found out his blind date was a tranny. But that's a story for a different day...
APRIL: What did Bo Abobo, or Bo AboBrady, or whatever his real name is, do once he realized that his identity had been revealed?
BIMMY: He tried to run from the field, but we tackled the other players on his team to see who they really were.
APRIL: And who were they?
BIMMY: AboreMukong Suh was really Abore, Bolo Butkus was really Bolo, and Burnov Berry was really Burnov!
APRIL: Bimmy, how did you not know Team Adobo was really Team Abobo in disguise? They didn't really do a clever job of hiding their real names.
BIMMY: Because their names were Bo AboBrady, AboreMukong Suh, Bolo Butkus, and Burnov Berry. I would have never guessed their identities based on the names they were using.
APRIL: And you claim Team Abobo is full of idiots...
BIMMY: Yeah, they are. They called themselves Team Adobo. That's so close to Team Abobo. Anyone could figure that out.
APRIL: But apparently you couldn't...So, tell me more about what happened once you unmasked all of Team Adobo.
BIMMY: Knowing that their secret identities were compromised, they all ran from the field in a hurry. I had never seen the Abobos run so fast in my life! They ran faster than a fat person chasing after a doughnut, Sonic the Hedgehog running through 20 consecutive loops in the Green Hills levels, the Beat 'Em and Eat 'Em dude jacking it from the roof of a building, and even more faster than Dick Vitale shoving dollar bills into a stripper's g-string while he screams "Awesome, Baby!"
APRIL: What happened next?
BIMMY: We chased after them, but in typical Bo Abobo fashion, he let out his really loud and disgusting fart. It smelled so bad that we all passed out on the field.
APRIL: So that's why you couldn't finish the game?
BIMMY: Pretty much. When we all came to, the Abobos were long gone, but the fart smell still lingered in the air.
APRIL: Gross. So, is there any way we can go back to the locker room so I can interview more members of your team?
BIMMY: Oh hell no! Those stupid Abobos broke the lock we put on the locker room door and got in there while we were all passed out. They did unspeakable things in there!
APRIL: Like what?
BIMMY: Well, it appeared that ALL of them plugged up our toilets like five times over. Mario Bros. Plumbing won't even touch them! We are going to have to call in Wrecking Crew Remodeling to completely redo the locker room. I won't even tell you about the other vile things they did in there. I'll let your mind wander on that one.
APRIL: Plugged up toilets...sounds like a "crappy" job to have to unclog them.
BIMMY: April...you suck at puns. Just don't try to do them...Ever again.
APRIL: Any last words before we head back to the studio, Bimmy?
BIMMY: Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do. Bo Abobo, if you're out there, I'm going to find you. One way or another, I will. And when I do, you're going to pay. Big time. You just might find YOUR toilets clogged up one day.
APRIL: Okay, thanks for talking with us, Bimmy.
BIMMY: You can't hide from me that easily, Bo Abobo. I'll find you sooner or later. In fact, I'll find you faster than Jerbilly seeking out a hotdog stand!
APRIL: Okay, Bimmy, it's time for us to go back to the studio.
BIMMY: You think you're so smart, you dummyhead. Hiding from me and using a fake name so I couldn't recognize who you were.
APRIL: Bimmy, we really have to go.
BIMMY: Hold on, April, I'm not done. I'm smarter than you, Bo Abobo, and I'm going to get you back. Just you wait! I'll have my brother helping me, as well as the Battletoads and the Ninja Turtles and...
APRIL: Bimmy, we have other stories we have to report...
BIMMY: ...Professor T. Bird is going to help, too! Boy you're gonna be sorry when I take my fist and shove it so far up your giant, smelly, cavernous, no good fat...
Oh boy, it appears we lost the feed to April and Bimmy Elway down on the football field. Thank you both for that...engrossing...and...informative...interview. Well, that about wraps it up here. I'm Bimmy Lee from NintendoAge news saying goodnight and we'll see you next week when our feature story will be Paperboys: America's Leading Destroyer of Windows!
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My NES collection count: 757 games (16 to go for a full set)
Latest Purchase(s): Snow Brothers
"Wait...Bimmy and Jimmy?? How'd they make a mistake like this!? Bimmy isn't even a real name!"
Beware the Bimmy Marsh!
Proud owner of post #2000, #2900, and #3800 in Inner Circle HQ thread
