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2016 WEEK 22 SANTA WEEKLY NEWS UPDATE - PAPERBOY [EXTREMELY LATE & EDITED EDITION]
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Two weeks later and here is the edited version of the Paperboy contest this week.
(Must've been those two new paperboys fighting out in the street that caused the delay).
Anyways, Take a look back at this ancient time capsule at what went down so many moons ago.
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BEA_IANK TURNS IN ONE OF THE BEST SCORES OF PAPERBOY IN WORLD HISTORY
The New Nintendoage Paperboy Champion nearly eclipses Twin Galaxies world record score
She was late joining the contests this year, but NES powerhouse Bea_Iank is storming the NA Contests leaderboards at a furious rate.
Bea has posted monster scores nearly every week since joining the contests, but it will be nigh impossible for someone to steal her Paperboy crown
should the contests re-visit this title in the future.
Her final score of 234,450 this year was easily good enough for a gold medal besting season points leader bertsampson by over 60,000 points.
Bea's score also dwarfed 2014 Paperboy Champion duncan's mark of 166,900 and squashed nes_king's 2009 top score of 144,500.
Being the NA Champion is an inhuman feat in itself, but Bea nearly toppled the world record (which according to Twin Galaxies) stands at 250,100 points.
She was only 17,650 points away from the best Paperboy run ever made.
It's really difficult to just reach a non-participation score each week for most in these contests, let alone win a gold medal for the week.
Bea has displayed world class skills time and time again.
If she continues to participate in the contests and makes the year-end playoffs, she might pull an upset and win it all.
Congrats on the masterful performance this week Bea.
NA's best Paperboy is now a girl.
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THE GREATEST BIMMY EPIC EVER WRITTEN ON DISPLAY THIS WEEK IN THE CONTESTS!
bimmy_lee spins an epic yarn kickin off his rivalry with Bo Abobo
That Shakespear guy had a knack for creating gripping tales broken up into scenes that drew audiences in further and further as each new piece was introduced.
In the world of game lore, movie tie-ins, Poverty Street villans and puns -NA's bimmy_lee towers over B. Shakes.
Without spoiling the entire tale, we are whisked back in time when bimmy (eh, billy) got his very first job. The tale starts when bimmy, (eh bill.... nah just bimmy) is pitted against the town bully Bo Abobo in a week long trial
to see who will get the town's sole job as paperboy.
The 8 1/2 part epic is broken up into 8 parts (intro, Mon-Sun) and even includes an epilogue.
Sprinkled throughout bimmy's odyssey are dozens of game, movie and cartoon references, hot chicks, stopping crime, saving babys, romance, zombies, a veiled reference to Herbert the Pervert and even a look at who REALLY is behind the appearance of
the Grim Reaper in the Paperboy game.
Of course you'll have to read it all for yourself to see what tasty nuggets and inside jokes bimmy has hidden inside for you to find.
The tale is broken up nicely with each day offering a new street to deliver on - which has it's own theme, customers and problems.
(Elm Street was probably my favorite, although Poverty Street was a close second).
The story is helped along by the insane antics of bimmy and Bo's lunatic boss "Big Boss" offering rants at the end of each day to summarize too.
Check it out if you haven't already. It's really well written.
On a side note...
GET BIMMY_LEE A WRITER'S ICON DAMMIT!!!!!!!
sign a petition, shout from the rooftops, stick all of your dongs in jars of peanut butter!!!!!!!!
Somebody out there with the power make it happen!!!!
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THE TALL GUY REACHES HIS FINAL WEEK OF GRADUATE SCHOOL!
It is a long road that most people not dare attempt. Randy Made it!
Everyone here at the Update and I'm sure everyone on Nintendoage would like to congratulate the tall guy on reaching the end of a very grueling road.
Lots of writing, time crunching, and brain smashing no doubt went in to this and everyone is over joyed to hear of the news!
All this was going on and he was still able to post a score of 104,000!
Congrats Randy on ascending to the next level.
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BROCK LANDERS BOLD PREDICTIONS GOES OFF THE DEEP END THIS WEEK
It's the Update's Horoscope! (?)
Who poisened Nostradumbass's ceral this week?
Brock Landers normally showcases his soothsaying ability by correctly prediciting the final scores.
This week instead it appears he has experienced some complications.
Here's Brock's picks for this week...
1. arnpoly - 105,000
2. Richardhead - 54,000
3. Brock Landers - 34,000
4. skinnygrinny - 33,900
5. JamesRobot - 0
6. Toxie Rules - 0
Perhaps Cobra Kai poisoned his soup?
Or was Brock playing dead instead to surprise his rival in the standings "Cobra Kai-ing" his nemesis all along?
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WELCOME NEW COMERS!
Each week the Update rounds up all valid scorers without a participation icon
In an effort to help the powers that be award contest icons to all those who bravely throw their hat in the NA Constests ring, The Update with list those without one
here in this section.
To be knighted with the Constest Badge...
tablew/chairs - 163,800
GoldeneyeGamer - 89,650
Zaam - 10,500
Welcome to the Weekly Contests!
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That'll do it for this week's disgracefully late Update!
- Can Krunch possibly make a name placard any more clever than the one he did this week?
- Will anyone tell Marian about Samus to get bimmy in trouble?
- Is everyone in Colorado too fucking high to fight about video games anymore?
Keep tuning in to the contests to find out!
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Santa's 8-bit Xmas Hall of Heroes
bunnyboy, psychobear85, superbobby, captmorgandrinker, guillavoie, KHAN Games (backup from Jon Solo), fsped09 & zi
Edited: 07/31/2016
at 12:45 AM
by Commander Santa
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