Hello everyone and welcome to the latest installment of the Weekly Contests! My brother and I just moved into town and we are the newest kids at Neo City High School. I guess I like it so far, even though I haven't made a lot of friends yet. It sure beats being back at River City High School and having to watch your back everyday. Things were getting rough around there and Slick had formed such a huge gang that you couldn't walk into a bathroom without getting a super atomic wedgie or a swirly or a noogie. So, my parents decided to move us to Neo City and its highly prestigious high school. This school has some of the top students in all of GameLand, including Link, Ryu Hyabusa, Gordon Freeman, Ness, Fox McCloud, and Alex Kidd. One of the first things I noticed is that there are a lot of cliques in this school. There's the sportos, the motorheads, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads...and then the geeks...which me and my brother are part of. My name is Bimm-Bert Bartholomew Bertram Barnaby and my brother's name is Quinn-Bert Chester Hyram Ulysses Barnaby III, but you can just call us B-Bert and Q-Bert. Yeah, I know...not exactly a couple of names that people think are cool. I've been called a lot of names over the years, from Dimm-Bert to Dim Bulb to Dimwit to Dumb Butt. At least I didn't have it as bad as Q-Bert. Most of the time he gets called Queer-Bert, but he has also been called Queer Bag, Queer Butt, Queer Boy, and Queer Bait. Just like in River City, we are not popular in Neo City. We are short, stocky, and have long noses and get picked on a lot. Especially by this group of kids that call themselves the Tazmanians. They're led by Coily and his best friends Ugg, Wrong-Way, Slick, and Sam. Those guys are always knocking our books out of our hands, stealing our lunch money, tying our shoelaces together, cramming us into open lockers, and taping "Kick Me" signs to our backs. Q-Bert has a swearing problem, and whenever they tease us, he's always saying things like "!#?@! you guys, you stupid !#?@!ing pieces of mother!#?@!ing !#?@!"
One of the worst bullying incidents was the day that Coily and his Ass Goblin friends embarrassed poor Q-Bert in the cafeteria during lunch. Since we started attending Neo City High School, it has been no secret that Q-Bert has a huge crush on the head cheerleader, Marian. He stares at her all the time and spends tons of time every night practicing in front of the mirror on how he is going to ask her out on a date. However, she just started dating the school's star martial arts student, Billy Lee. I keep telling Q-Bert that he has no chance in hell of hooking up with her, but he won't listen to me. He thinks he is going to somehow convince her to stop dating Billy Lee and start dating him. So anyway, this one day Q-Bert and I were eating lunch with some of our fellow geeks, Lester the Unlikely, Hal "Otacon" Emmerich, and Tingle, when he saw Marian eating lunch with her best friends, Princess Angelica, April O'Neil, Samus Aran, Lara Croft, and Tifa Lockhart. He stood up from his chair, bound and determined to confess his feelings to her. Lester told him asking Marian on a date was futile and rejection was inevitable, but he wouldn't listen. As Q-Bert approached Marian's table, I saw Coily and Ugg creeping up behind him, both of whom had big grins on their faces and were holding back laughter the best they could. "Marian" Q-Bert replied nervously. "There's something I want to tell you." Before either Q-Bert or Marian could reply, Coily and Ugg pulled his pants down, exposing his brand new Sonic the Hedgehog underwear to all the students in the lunchroom. Everyone in the cafeteria started laughing hysterically while Q-Bert just shouted "!#?@!" repeatedly. Marian scowled at him and said disgustedly "All you wanted to say to me was '!#?@!?' Go away you scruffy-looking...Nerf herder!" "He looks more like a Moof milker with that creepy long nose of his" Tifa exclaimed as she rolled her eyes. At that moment, Billy Lee came cruising over to the table, dropped into a chair about ten feet away, and slid his way over to Marian. "Hey, Babe, how's it going" he said happily as he kissed her on the cheek. At that moment, Billy Lee looked down and noticed Q-Bert standing there with his pants around his ankles. "Hey, nice underwear you got there, Queer-Bert" Billy Lee exclaimed as he started laughing hysterically. With anger boiling in my chest, I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to make this spectacle of ridicule, embarrassment, and shaming come to an end, not for my sake, but for my brother, who just stood there not knowing what to do next. Ignoring Otacon's pleas to not get involved, I shouted at him "I'm not going to be like you and hide in a locker and pee my pants. I'm going to help my brother out." I jumped out of my chair and raced over to Marian's table to defend my brother. "Hey, why don't you leave him alone...or else" I shouted at Billy Lee angrily. He immediately jumped from his chair, kicked it aside, and approached me, nearly knocking me over as he bumped me with his chest. "What did you just say, Dimm-Bert" Billy Lee growled angrily, his hands balling into fists. "Did you just say 'or else?' 'Or else' what, Dimm-Bert? You'll kick my ass? Give it your best shot! I could spin kick your geeky little ass all the way back to River City!" I could feel sweat starting to run down my forehead, my knees shaking so badly I thought they would start knocking together. I swallowed nervously as I realized what was happening: Billy Lee was about to challenge me to a fight. With all the courage I could muster, I shouted "I said leave him alone, BIMMY Lee, or I'll kick YOUR ass!" At that very moment, I realized my words of bravery were the exact thing I should NOT have said. Billy Lee clenched his fists tightly, drew back his arm, and hit me square in the jaw as he screamed "Don't call me BIMMY!" Needless to say, I ended up with some cuts and bruises, a black eye, and five days of in-school detention, while Billy Lee got 10 days and even more popularity points for beating up the new geeky kid in school. That was just one of the many bullying incidents from Coily and his crew, but nothing compares to what happened just the other day.
So, just last Monday we are in chemistry class and we are going to be mixing chemicals and recording their reactions. Our teacher, the ever outspoken and highly intelligent Professor Oak, warned us to be very careful while mixing chemicals so we wouldn't have any dangerous reactions. Well, Coily and his butthead butt-buddies decided to play a prank on Q-Bert for the, I don't know, 1000th time. They switched his hydrochloric acid with Retromutagen Ooze (you know, the stuff that made the Ninja Turtles), his boric acid with Count Dracula's blood, his ammonia with Mega Man oil, his sodium hydroxide with Cadre Cola, and his baking soda with itching powder. Those idiots all stood around him smiling ear to ear as he mixed the chemicals together and then...POOF! There was this loud pop and a big white cloud of smoke surrounded Q-Bert and the Idiot Brigade. Coily and his cronies were rolling on the floor laughing hysterically while poor Q-Bert stood there dropping f-bombs like they were going out of style. But when the cloud disappeared, Q-Bert and Coily and all his friends were nowhere to be found! Instead, there was this weird portal hovering over Q-Bert's lab table. We all stared at this strange, intergalactic gateway and realized Q-Bert was standing on this tall, multi-colored pyramid with Coily and his moronic buddies! They had all been sucked into some weird dimension! Suddenly, a deep, booming voice emanated from the portal, startling everyone in the room. "I am the vile and evil Red Falcon, enslaver of races, destroyer of worlds, conqueror of universes, and the eradicator of everything you hold precious." I heard a tiny half shriek, half gasp behind me and turned around to see Jerms of the Battletoads nervously biting his fingernails. I cracked a half smile as I watched Jerms chew on his nails at the same rapid pace a cartoon character would when they get nervous or scared about something. "Does...does that include...hot...hotdogs" Jerms asked nervously. "That most certainly includes hotdogs" Red Falcon boomed as he laughed maniacally. At that moment, Jerms gasped, placed his arm over his eyes, and fainted. His brother, Rash, quickly rushed over to him and began fanning him with a stack of lab notes in an attempt to rouse him from unconsciousness. "Your puny little elephant man has entered my domain" Red Falcon roared, the windows in the science lab shaking as he spoke. "Hey, !#?@! you" Q-Bert shouted angrily. "I'm not an elephant. I'm a..." "Silence, puny mortal" Red Falcon interrupted as his voice roared with anger. "All those who enter my domain must face a series of challenges...or suffer the consequences." My voice cracking a little bit, I decided to speak up, saying "And what are the consequences?" Red Falcon's vile laugh echoed once more throughout the classroom. "All your little anteater-looking friend has to do is solve my puzzles. If he succeeds, I will spare your universe from destruction...for now. If he fails, you will become my slaves for all eternity and witness the obliteration of your pathetic little planet." Okay, guys, here's where everyone in the world will need your help. It's your mission to help Q-Bert solve the puzzles and prevent Red Falcon from destroying Earth. Of course, Coily and company are probably going to make things difficult for you since they love picking on poor Q-Bert. Sheesh, the fate of humanity hangs in the balance and those asshats are going to act like it's some big joke. Okay, enough talk, here's what you need to do:
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1 player only
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Choose whichever control setup you want
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Play until Life 0. As soon as you get to Life 0, you must stop playing the game and take your picture. You may not play any of the game on Life 0 or your score will be disqualified
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Highest score wins
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Participation: 10,000
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GENRE: Puzzle
The contest ends Sunday, 6/19/16 at 11 PM NA time. Your user name MUST be written or typed on a piece of paper and be in the picture for your score to be valid. The entire TV screen, or computer monitor if you are playing on an emulator, MUST be in the picture for the score to be valid. No partial screenshots will be considered or accepted. No screenshots by hitting "print screen" on a computer will be allowed. You must take a picture of your computer monitor. There may be instances where this will be acceptable, but it will be at the discretion of myself and the contest organizers. Also, the use of turbo controllers is forbidden, as well as any cheat codes, Game Genies, slow motion functions, or save states if playing on an emulator. Also, we will only be using NTSC systems for the contests. The use of PAL systems will NOT be allowed. Good luck everyone and have fun
