Defender 2 isn't as fun as the Atari 2600 port of the arcade nor the original arcade.
But I am half decent at it. Before the surgery I was hitting 150K+ on it. I think I can do better and I intend to be back to the fray next week for it.

Here is the Defender II world record run of 1,524,900. I wonder if Gloves or Red will improve upon it next week.

My best is 74k now.

The NES port is a little dumbed down for some reason. It's still fun. I'd much rather play it than Yoshi. But I dunno why they didn't make a more exact port of the arcade.

We're only at 77 posts and is Thursday? Man yoshi is quieter than a break week.

i feel like there may be a stage limit. otherwise its a marathon.

that guy glitch cat has the smb3 record too.

I am kind of crap at shooters, so I'm making up for it this week!

I don't think there should be a limit since it's an arcade game and the difficulty increases. That's like putting a limit on Kung Fu or Donkey Kong Jr. It's up to the mods though.


 

Kissing a man is more fun than playing Yoshi, and men have cooties.
I am quite happy that I am not in condition to play competitively, so I am having to skip this week completely. Not having to play Yoshi is pretty nice.

 

I'm crap at this year's shooter lineup. Last year's was much easier. Bring back Legendary Wings.
 

The Guardian Legend was easily my best shooter this year.  I have never been able to get good traction in Defender II, and I haven't spent time with Star Force or Twin Cobra.  I'm going to be out of town during Twin Cobra week, but I am looking forward to seeing how I'll do in Star Force.  I'll have to beat Star Force for my site someday and it will be a major challenge for me I'm thinking.
 

When eg. I have a full stack and a row of two tiles materializes over it so that I move out of the way of one and immediately game over as the other one comes down on me, it makes me not even want to try anymore. You need full stacks for big points, but they result in cheap deaths.

Other puzzle games aren't like this. I can be ready for a tetris without being on the brink of a game over.




 

if i can get tgrough all 24 levels of star force it will be awesome. 
 

ya but the difficulty maxes. there should have been a limit on dk jr. last time we played it bert said "i feel like i could have played forever". like the original mario bros. and dk3 the limit at 99 levels is a good idea. maybe   
 

If you can legit 1CC Ikari Warriors then you can probably beat anything.

Star Force is a beast with 24 stages and no continues. At least it is possible to rack up some extra lives.


 

3390


Participation for me!

Not a fan of Defender 2 at all. I even have a shot at the shooter title but I still can't get motivated to play it. It's just so....bleh.

Improved my score to 6,585. I had a full stack but couldn't get a top shell.  

I don't have that one, so I won't be participating next week.

Do you like any version of Defender?

Defender 2 is simplified from the arcade version but it's still basically Defender and not a bad game.
 

Hey skinny. You somehow scored 5,725 in the previous contest, and that was playing at high speed. How painful was that?

http://nintendoage.com/forum/mess...


 

i knew i had played it before. when i saw that i had scored 5000 i knew i hated this game. all i can say is it must be worse on slow. 
 

I agree, if you're neglecting to get high-scoring egg-sandwiches. It's grueling to get even 2K if you're not even getting at least 100 per egg. Man up and go for the big boys, your score will show it.
 

Interview #5
The New Guy



BL: ...

BL: ......

BL: ..........

BL: ..................

BL:  Hello?

BL: ...............................

BL: ..........................................

BL: .................................................

(a million years later)

GO: Sorry man I was sent to the ER last night, and am at the doctors still. I should be back on a computer this evening, and better able to format answers then. Sorry bout the delay.

BL: Yikes, we should work that into the interview if you're comfortable with it
Mind sharing what's going on? Hopefully nothing too serious
GO: I dunno tbh. Frankly I overwork myself, and it's likely to do with that. My whole life has been a bit of a roller-coaster; I grew up with an abusive father early on, an abusive stop father later, a mother who stood by and condoned their actions, and then when I finally got away, Ive been plagued with mental and physical health issues, some stemming from the earlier years of physical abuse.

I've actually been approached in the past about legit writing a book, but I just try to keep myself occupied with other things, and not focus too much on the past. Of course it keeps coming back and biting me in the ass.

I've watched people die in a situation that should never be the case, I've reported my best friends father to the police for child pornography, been beaten and stabbed, hidden in an attic... Lots of fun stuff lol.
(this discussion is continued near the end of the interview)

BL: Jesus
Well, we can keep the interview to the more fun stuff like video games. Or can also dwell into this stuff too if you wish and are comfortable with it
GO: I am happy to answer any questions you ask, no worries about comfort. What's happened has happened. Whatever you think will make for an interesting read is fine with me.  

BL:  Alright, we'll start with the lighter stuff and ease into it
What brought you to NA?
GO: For the last 15-20 or so years, I was more of a die-hard Playstation gamer, especially since the PS1, and carrying forward into the PS2. When trophies became a thing, I was instantly hooked and got addicted. To the point that if I played anything else, I considered it a waste of time. The only other thing that I really did game-wise was shmups, as that is by far my favorite genre, and ever since I was a kid I always wanted to become good at them. At the beginning of this year I decided it was time for a change; I had been wasting my time with shitty games for no good reason just to get trophies, and I had also decided to go all-digital with the PS4, as I thought the world might be ready for it. I was wrong and a half. The PS4 turned out to be not quite the machine I was hoping for, and it just put a damper on my game time. I was always frustrated or just bored.

I decided it was time for a change.

A dream of mine had always been to have a game room in a basement or something - somewhere I could display my "retro" game collection and play the games I grew up with. Unfortunately years ago I had many games stolen from my storage locker where I used to live, so my collection had become rather small. I figured why wait, now is the time to change, and get a start on that hella cool collection. I love Nintendo and decided I wanted a place to share that love. Having been a member (and staff on) a Playstation forum for many years, I was familiar with what made a forum good and bad, and so I took that knowledge and searched for an appropriately fun, laid back community. I landed at NA as it looked like there were contests and stuff I could participate in, and you all seemed like collectors that would share my passion.

BL: How many trophies do you have?  My XBL Gamerscore is somewhere over 100,000; how comparable is that?
GO: For reference, here's my PSN trophy profile: psnprofiles.com/The__Noid

I have a total of 16,274 trophies, with 177 platinums, and 379 games completed 100% out of the 937 games I've played that have trophies. I am 34th in Canada, and 764th in the world.

For reference, 100,000 Gamerscore is roughly 4000-5000 achievements; if I were an xbox gamer I'd have around 400-500,000 GS.

BL: Top 10 games of all time?
GO: I'll keep this to one game per series, lest I fill the whole top 10 with just three series of games. Also I want to point out that across all consoles this is an incredibly difficult question and I am sickeningly torn between multiple games.

• Final Fantasy (NES)
• The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (N64)
• Tenchu: Stealth Assassins (PS1)
• Diablo 2 (PC)
• Banjo Kazooie (N64)
• Baldur's Gate (PC)
• Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (PS2)
• Demon's Souls (PS3)
• Resident Evil 2 (PS1)

BL: Based on the era of most of those I'm gonna guess we're about the same age.  Most people seem particularly drawn towards games they played during a certain time while growing up
GO: I will be 29 this July, if that helps.  

The PS1 and N64 were right about where I really started playing lots of games. I grew up on the NES and SNES, and some of my favorite games are on there for sure, but due to my self-imposed one game per franchise rule, I was a bit extra picky with my choices. 

BL: Baldur's Gate over Baldur's Gate II?  I say that as a huge BG fan, who played through the original more than a few times, and even read the dumb novelizations
GO: I'm a bit embarrassed to say so, but I've played the hell out of BG, but never played the sequel. I realize that this sad truth means I should really be burned on a stake.

BL: Ever kill Drizzt?
GO: I have, yes. I was pretty cheap about it though, as you almost have to be.  

BL: Ever play the Dark Alliance games?
GO: I played one on the PS2, long ago.

BL: I think I slightly perferred Dark Souls over Demon's Souls, though I never did the multiplayer in either, and it's been a good number of years since I've played Demon's.  Probably due for a re-visit.  Maybe it will get one of those loathed remasters on PS4
GO: Much of my Demon's Souls preference was due to the situation around it; it was the most excited I had ever been to pick up a game out of completely nowhere, and it started my journey into the amazing collection of games in the Soulsborne series. I was at college, and sitting in class looking at the games that had released that day (a Tuesday), and saw Demon's Souls online. I had not heard of it previously, and when I saw the gameplay video I got up and left class, hopped on a bus, got to my nearest EB Games, and picked up the Collector's Edition. 

Dark Souls is undoubtedly the more polished game, and the first is easily my favorite of the series, but Demon's Souls was the one I put the most time and love into. I have gotten the platinum trophy on all 3 versions of it - North American, European, and Japanese.

BL: The original Final Fantasy is a bit of an outlier, release-date wise.  Better than Chrono Trigger, any of the sequels, and all the other beloved JRPGs?
GO: Another one where nostalgia plays a big part for me. As far as gameplay and story and everything are concerned, FF6 is the superior game, and certainly Chrono Trigger gets a huge shout out from me. But FF1 was the first game I ever obtained for myself, and the first RPG I ever played. It holds an extremely special place in my heart, and I blame it solely for my playing video games to this day. I've played every iteration of the original FF to death, and have easily clocked over 2000 hours into this really simple and not very difficult at all game. I've played with just about every party imaginable, including the dreaded solo white mage on the NES version. I will never turn down an excuse to play this game.

BL: Did you ever shoot The End when he's sleeping on the dock, or wait for him to die of old age?  What were your other favorite MGS3 Easter eggs?
GO: Oh yeah, I've played the hell out of this game. I remember on my first playthrough I shot The End's bird, not thinking it'd DO anything. His reaction though was priceless, and the whole experience was amazing. Revolver Ocelot is both my wife's and my favorite character and his portrayal in this game, and all of the truths revealed through multiple playthroughs of his backstory are just phenomenal. 

My favorite thing to do in the game is to activate the Time Paradox by killing characters that shouldn't be killed. There are a few instances where this is possible and the reaction of the characters in-game is once again, great.

BL: Resident Evil - Which moment in the franchise made you shit your pants the most?
GO: In RE2 there is this spot early on where you're going through a hall and some crows crash through a window. RE2 was the first RE I played, and this was probably my first jump scare in a game. Got me good lol.

BL: If you could have a true sequel to any of your top 10 titles, what would it be?  ...and since every single one of those has five million sequels (aside from Banjo), I mean an additional installment shaped by your vision
GO: Oh god Final Fantasy 100%. I'd kill for a game that goes back to the roots in theme and gameplay.

BL: Worst game you've ever played?
GO: Tom Clancy's Endwar.

BL: I got that from Gamestop for $1.  Are you telling me to purge it from the collection?
GO: I'll pay you $5 to film yourself destroying it.

BL: I've been known to rage quit a time or ten, so that could probably be arranged.
Dream contest lineup, 2 per genre
GO: I think I'll skip this and the SNES contest question, simply because I've only really played like 30-40 NES and around the same amount of SNES games, and not across all genres. I've no clue how to build these competitive lists of games and I applaud your ability to do so.

BL: Good answer.  I'm the same with NES so anything I provided would be from a sample size barely bigger than my selections
For SNES, I only had to play and learn, and become something of a foremost expert on, the entire library.... and I still botched some of the selections (like Killer Instinct)
GO: Eh we can't all be perfect eh?

BL: Explain the origins of your username, besides just being a play on your last name
GO: I've always wanted to have a small business of some sort and call it "Gloves Off", and I'm really super sorry, but it's really just cuz it's a play on my last name lol. I started with my youtube channel (http://youtube.com/c/gloves_off_g...) and went from there. I used to "brand" myself as "The Noid" (on other forums, Playstation Network, Twitch, everything). I used the Noid because I love the old commercials from the 80s of The Noid from Domino's Pizza and other commercials like it - the 80s was a commercial goldmine. I decided to move away from that character because it's incredibly difficult to sell something with an IP you don't own, and I couldn't use my last name "Glover" simply because then everyone would always be all like "Hey I bet you LOVE THIS GAME EH AHAHAHAHAH!". They still do that, but whatevs.

BL: I know you have a wife.  Plans for kids?
GO: At this time, no. We've discussed it though, and we're more likely to adopt than to "start from scratch". There are tons of kids out there with nobody to give them a proper home and really love them; I'd rather provide for someone who needs it, give them a chance to be great.

BL: Yeah I told my wife the same thing.  If she wants a girl we're adopting.  There's more than enough kids out there that need the home.  Also I may literally die if I have to raise another baby
GO: Also there's the whole "skip the crazy pooping stage" thing that adoption has going for it.  

BL: I don't care about poop, I just want to sleep.  In fact right now I'm slouching so bad in my office chair that I'm nearly lying down. Sweet, sweet sleep...
What do you do for a living?
GO: I am a web developer. I say that as generically as possible, as I sort of dabble in both the front and back end of things. I work at an advertising agency, BBDO; we're one of the biggest and most recognized ad agencies in the world, with a number of globally recognized clients, such as Pepsi, Frito Lay, Visa, Mercedes-Benz, etc.. 

I also do freelance web dev and graphic design. Since joining here on NA I've started working closely with Hogie at GVN on that site, which has been a blast. 

BL: How's Canada?  Many years ago a girl told me she was from Ontario.  When I asked her if that was a territory every single person there made sure to deeply shame me.  I'm still traumatized.
GO: Canada's great! My office is on the 31st floor of a very tall building right downtown Toronto, and I have a beautiful window view looking North. I tell you, knowing I live in such a busy city, and being able to look out a window to such an amazingly green view... it's phenomenal. I can see mountains off in the distance, and if I look South, I can see Lake Ontario. This is one of the best places in the world to live and I can't imagine being anywhere else.

As for whether Ontario is a territory... Lol. There are only two "territories" in Canada - Northwest Territories, and the Yukon Territories. Everywhere else is a plain ol' Province.  

BL: Yeah, pretty much a standard ugly American moment.  How many (of our) states can you name?
GO: Oh, practically none. I can't even name all of the provinces off the top of my head. I am no good at geography, at all.

BL: Most exciting thing to ever happen at your office?
GO: Unfortunately my office life is rather dull. We do a lot of partying and really good work, but nothing overly dramatic goes on.

BL: Ever vacation down to Detroit?
GO: Nope! I don't really vacation, not since... the incident.

BL: Let me guess.  You went to Baltimore or Chicago?
GO: ...Delaware.

BL:


...like a coastal casino town?  That is the only possible reason I can think of for going there, other than driving through to Philly or NYC
GO: This comes down to a simple "My parents are dumb". My mother made some online friends on a gaming site - Pogo.com. I was in high school at the time. They decided it'd be a grand idea to go and meet these people in person, and so off we went for a 3 day trip to Delaware. This has been the one and only time I've left Ontario in my entire life, and it was an entirely horrible experience. These people we met were hicks and a half, and incredibly racist. We went to an Amish flea market, my brother and I slept outside in the rain, and for some reason we went to the man's workplace as a mini-trip (this was a man and wife by the way, and a bunch of their family lived with them - the couple was really old, like in their 70s).

I had absolutely nothing entertaining to do the entire time, and the whole trip was really rough. It put a serious damper on my opinion of the States in general, which I'm sure is entirely unfair to the rest of you.

BL: That is nightmarish.  Somewhere in my young teens I learned to forcefully opt out of any visits to my mother's relatives so I could instead stay home and play computer games for 12 hours a day.  Hopefully you owned a GBA or something
Wine, liquor, or beer?
GO: Liquor, then wine. Never beer.

BL: When is the last time you had a beer, and what did it taste like to you?
GO: Last time I had beer I was in college. Tasted like yeast. I've taken small sips of beers since, but there's always that yeast taste and I can't enjoy it.

BL: Red wine, white wine, or Rich's special rose wine?
GO: Red wine, nice and smoky. Alternatively, sweet delicious Ice Wine.

BL: Do games age?
GO: Of course they do, everything does.  

BL: What game has aged horribly, and what game is 100% timeless?
GO: Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends. I always enjoyed it as a kid but by god this is terrible. Timeless? I'd have to go with Donkey Kong Country 2. There is no platformer I'd rather play.

BL: How fast do you think you could speedrun 102% in DKC2?
GO: If a single session I couldn't say; probably 6-7 hours at a guess, it's been a while. Gimme a month and the time to do it, and I'll perfect every level and win the contest. Sadly with DKC this year I didn't have time to finish my run, but I was on par to land at around 50-55 minutes. It's really easy to perfect one level at a time, and with the overworld not counting time, nor funky's flights or candy's save barrel, it's easy enough to beat a level, save, repeat.

BL: Hobbies outside of video games and beards?
GO: Nope! I tend to dedicate myself to one thing, all the way. Unless you count web development I suppose... I really love my work.

BL: Best piece in your collection?
GO: If we're talking value, it's probably my CIB Earthbound that I recently obtained. It's not perfect condition, but it's still the single-most expensive game I own.

Outside of value, I am incredibly fond of my PSP Ys collection. I have all of the Ys games' Limited Edition collector sets in pristine condition. I love love love the series on the whole, ever since I first played Wanderers from Ys on the SNES back in the day.

And outside of games, I'd have to say my Majora's Mask poster that I picked up recently. You may have seen the thread on here where we were all discussing it, and many of us ordered it. It's just an amazing piece of history.

BL: Yeah, I had all of those Ys games too.  Not the deluxe versions, but the 5 games.  Sold most of my PSP collection a couple years ago though, and I've been debating on getting them back.
GO: They're pretty varied in their gameplay from the first to the last, but for me Oath in Felghana wasthe perfect mix of old and new style (plus it's a remake of Ys III, so it has that going for it).

BL: Ys III was one of the first SNES games I ever bought.  Unfortunately for it, that was right after I played through Chrono Trigger, FF VI, Earthbound, and Super Mario RPG, so I was... less than thrilled with it at the time
GO: Hah! Yeah compared to those it might seem a bit underwhelming.  

BL: The new one (or, a newer one in any case) is coming out through LRG.  Should I get it?
GO: Oh yes absolutely, if you mean Lacrimosa of Dana; it's absolutely stunning in every respect. I've played it in Japanese and it's beautiful, and incredibly fun.

BL: Most wanted NES game?
GO: It has to be a tie between two - Snow Bros and Zombie Nation. I used to own both, but almost all of my original NES and SNES collection was stolen years ago just before moving, and I've not been able to recover these two since. If anyone has either or both of these CIB, I am looking to buy/trade.

BL: Best score you've ever had?  Best find in the wild?
GO: The SNES score I posted a little while back. It tallied up to around $4000 in average value, and I paid... less than that; that was from a coworker friend. In the wild I'd probably say the EVO I picked up for $20. I don't really find much in the wild as I don't travel to yard sales or anything.

BL: Do they know what they gave up?  You should probably get them a drink or ten.
GO: I don't rip people off; I told him what it was worth, and we made a deal.  

BL: Where'd you find the EVO?  I hunt all the time and that is better than any find I've ever had.  Also my friend found an EVO at some podunk video store, and he used to lord it over me while keeping it in a loose box of shit in his living room, getting dinged up.  What an asshole.
GO: A game store in Toronto, believe it or not. Though this was years ago.

BL: What are you gonna do with that second Earthbound?
GO: It has been sold.

BL: I need Sonic Blast Man 2.  Can I have yours?
GO: Sold, I'm afraid. That particular lot I primarily picked up because I wanted one of the smaller SNES consoles, and for what I paid for the lot I ended up selling Sonic Blast Man 2 and keeping the rest as "free".

BL: Did you buy a Switch?
GO: Nope. I'm holding off for good games and good deals.

BL: What's going on in your avatar?  Gloves Off?
GO: Yup. Gloves Off.

BL: How did you come up the "the new guy"?
GO: I think it's because I showed up out of basically nowhere all gung-ho about the contests here on NA lol.

BL: Walk me through a typical day in the life of Doug
GO: Alarm goes off at 7:30am; I have a cool little wakeup light alarm, where it slowly wakes me by turning on a light like a little sun by my head. I then proceed to hit "snooze" for around 2 hours.

9:00am or so rolls around and I decide it's time to empty my bladder as it's getting increasingly painful holding it in.

Read my phone on the toilet for an hour or so. If I am responding to you early in the morning, rest assured that my pants are definitely down.

Play games from 10-11am, neglecting my worldly responsibilities.

At 11 or so I usually go "ah fuck I forgot to take my medicine!" and take it. This means I can't eat for another hour, so I've effectively deprived myself of breakfast yet again.

11:30 or so I start packing up my books (manga) and other stuff to head out to work. I walk to work while reading a book/manga, and this takes about a half hour. 

Get to work for noon or so, proceed to read NA and watch videos on Youtube. I am incredibly well paid all things considered.

4pm rolls around and I figure I should make an attempt at earning my keep. It is now that I realize I don't really WANT to do any work, pack up my things and head home. Another day with nothing productive done. I am a shitty human being.

Walk home, read more. The way home is harder since it's all uphill.

Almost home, realize I still haven't eaten anything. Grab something from one of the restaurants on the way home. Stop at the post office to see if I have any mail.

Get home, it's probably time to be responsible and do some actual work. Play video games instead.

7pm or so, ask my wife what she wants for dinner. This goes back and forth for an hour or so as we're both really indecisive. Order a pizza.

9pm we have pizza and watch Star Trek or South Park. Hopefully not Kimmy Schmidt, I'm not a fan.

I should REALLY do some work. Play more games instead.

11pm rolls around and my wife wants to go to bed. "Sorry I have to stay up late tonight, I have a lot of work to do". 

She goes to bed and I play Call of Duty (4). 

Midnight rolls around and for real this time, I do some work. I'm incredibly good at my job (captain brags over here), so I get it done in like an hour or two. Nobody is the wiser.

2am... should probably go to bed. Right after one or two more rounds of games.

BL: Yeah I don't know if I'm gonna give Kimmy a go past season 1.  I usually find flamboyantly gay characters hilarious, but whats-his-name is incredibly annoying
Ever have cauliflower crust on one of those pizzas?
GO: I have not, no. Sounds gross.

BL: What's the best restaurant in Toronto?
GO: I'd probably go with Holy Chuck cuz I'm a sucker for gross burgers, but I admit I am no food connosseur.

BL: What's the best restaurant on your walk home from work?
GO: Holy Chuck!

BL: Do they serve a burger with bacon, ham, and a fried egg on top?  Those are the best/grossest
GO: Every goddamn burger place in the world does these days I swear to god.

BL: What member of the Breakfast Club would you be?
GO: The chick lying down in the front of the photo.

BL: That's Molly Ringwald.  Do you say that because you're a ginger or... ?
GO: I've always been the type of guy who when given the chance will lie down in front for group photos.

BL: Jon Cryer or James Spader?
GO: James Spader for sure.

BL: You met with bert recently, how was that?  Did he look more like Bert or Ernie?
GO: It was a brief enough encounter, but I'd say he's a Bert based on my interactions with him. ;P

BL: Ever meet any NA'ers besides bert?
GO: I did, but I am ashamed to say I forget who it was. It was early on in my tenure here, and was only very brief, for a quick game sale. I've yet to have anyone over to hang out and play games or anything like that, alas.

BL: Who would win in a fight; Bea, or the combined powers of every Canadian in the contest?
GO: Oh the Canadians for certain. We'd be apologetic about it for sure, but she'd have no chance in hell.

BL: Ever have a McPoutine?
GO: Yup. Pretty underwhelming as far as poutine is concerned. 

BL: Best movie set in Toronto?
GO: Short Circuit 2. Worst would have to be The Love Guru. Ugh.

BL: Steve Guttenbourg or Fisher Stevens?
GO: Fisher Stevens.

BL: Strange Brew, Kids in the Hall, or Trailer Park Boys?
GO: Strange Brew all the way, ya hoser.

BL: TheToxieRules or bert?
GO: I've had more interaction with Bert, so I'll go w/ him. 

BL: Hockey or the luge?
GO: Luge for sure.

BL: Kraft Dinner or canadian bacon (ham)?
GO: Canadian bacon. I am one of the few Canadians who can't stand Kraft Dinner. I enjoy Mac & Cheese, but Kraft Dinner specifically I cannot enjoy, as it's literally all my step-father fed us for about 6 months when I was a kid.

BL: Sounds healthy.  I went to a daycare in about 1st grade that would serve us uncooked hot dogs.  And by daycare I mean a large unpleasant woman's house where she sequestered us in the dank basement to watch hours of TV while she watched her stories.  I got the last laugh though.  I stole all of the GI Joes.  Even Serpentor.
GO: If she's still alive I'm sure she's searching to this day.  

BL: Word association.  First word that comes to mind:
Richard
Head.

table
Chairs.

bert
Not in Toronto

Toxie
Avenger

Bea
Yank

Doug
Me.

Skinny
Craycray

Mega Tank
Man.

Stryphos
Pchew!

JimTendo
Kickle.

(Goes through PSN profile, old to new)
BL: You are a crazy MF'er.  I feel like I dedicated a LOT of time to get that 100,000 gamerscore.  If I had gotten into it sooner, and stuck with it to this day I would maybe be at 200,000.  I didn't play shit games for score to pad it though.
GO: A lot of my padding was due to competitions and contests. There was a competition each year that I participated in, and one year I went for first place, where the goal was to simply get as many trophies as possible in two months. I landed at 2427 trophies in those two months.

BL: Endwar is literally, dead last in your list.  2 trophies.  Poor guy.
GO: That fuckin' game, man.

BL: Bioshock or Bioshock 2 or Bioshock Infinite?
GO: Bioshock for sure. It was the closest to System Shock 2 which I liked a lot, and the theme hadn't worn itself dry just yet. Infinite was quite good for at least one playthrough. BS 2 I never bothered to finish, it felt like it wanted to just cash in on the popularity of the first, also the multiplayer was shit.

BL: How bad did you jump at the end of Dead Space when your dead girlfriend is up in your business?
GO: Dead Space is a goddamn masterpiece. The ending most definitely made me jump like a little bitch.

BL: Looks like you gave up on Red Alert 3 pretty quickly.  I got through 2 1/2 campaigns before the achievments stopped popping on me.  So goddamn frustrating.
GO: I actually really love RE3, but I played it on PC. I started up the PS3 version and the controls and everything were just incredibly inferior, so I stopped playing.

BL: Dragon Age - Absolutely love this game, and consider it the spiritual sequel to Baldur's Gate II.  You didn't ever end up playing Awakening?
GO: I played on PC. Absolutely love the first game and it's expansions, even the silly one with the rock chick.

BL: 3D Dot Game Heroes has a C rank!  That's probably as shitty as my trophy count in that game, and I have like 40 trophies total!
GO: Yeah I never really got into the game to be honest. I think I got lost early on and just gave up. 

BL: I see Earthworm Jim HD has a trophy for beating the game without dying.  Unless they changed it up from the original, that seems insane.  Try hard to get that one?
GO: I did not try very hard. I actually got right to the VERY end, and was insta-killed by one of the things that pop out of the walls. Stopped playing after that. 

BL: Looks like you gave up on Nier.  I haven't played it, but I read an article about it that made it seem very, very fascinating.  I'll have to try and find it.
(edit - Haven't found it yet, but here is a taste of the crazy:
Return in New Game+ to unlock the backstories of the enemies you fight throughout the game, putting a whole new perspective on events, and complete four different playthroughs in order to unlock the ultimate ending, which deletes your save file and bans you from ever using the character’s name again. What do you expect from a Drakengard spin off?)
GO: It's a decent enough game overall, but really pretty slow, and especially if you want trophies it can be quite dull. So I just stopped playing.

BL: You gave up on Beyond Good and Evil.  You should re-visit, it really was one of the best games of that generation, and it isn't too long
GO: Not my style I'm afraid.

BL: Ni no Kuni didn't grab you?  I haven't played it yet, but I do love Level 5 and Studio Ghibli and keep meaning to grab it some day.
GO: Hated it lol.

BL: The new Tomb Raiders, or Uncharted?
GO: Uncharted. And really only the first 3. 4 Sucked.

BL: Buy any of the LRG releases, or are you totally out of the PS scene completely right now?
GO: I still buy PS games, but I've made a point of not caring about trophies. I like to play games, and the trophy addiction got seriously in the way of that enjoyment.

As for LRG, I have One Way Heroics (great game), and Thomas Was Alone. I hate Thomas Was Alone, so will probably get rid of it at some point. It's still sealed I don't know why I bought it lol. I was going to get Astebreed and Darius, but decided against it in the end. I already own both games 4 times over digitally, they have enough of my money.

BL: What did you think Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon?  The song that plays when the credits roll was a very unexpected and pleasant easer egg for cult film buffs...
GO: It's the only Far Cry I really enjoyed lol. Awesome little game.

BL: I gotta admit, many of these digital-only titles I do not recognize.  Are many of them indy games? 
GO: Many of them are indy games, yes.

BL: Metal Gear Solid or Metal Gear Solid 2?
GO: MGS, every time.

BL: Metal Gear Solid 4 or Metal Gear Solid V
GO: MGS4. V had easily the best gameplay in the entire series, but to me it was never about the gameplay near as much as about the story, and V had barely any at all. I have my gripes with the MGS4 story, but it still stands up overall above all of the other games in the series, save for 3.

BL: Favorite easter eggs in each installment (aside from 3)
GO:
MGS1 - The James Bond outfit. I'm a huge fan of James Bond, so getting to play dressed in the tux was awesome. I didn't even KNOW it was a thing going into it, I just kept playing the game and sure enough on my third playthrough, BAM, tuxedo.

MGS2 - Being able to hear Johnny's diarrhea through the directional mic. 

MGS4 - The semi-hidden conversations you can have with Otacon over Codec.

Peace Walker - Doing it with Paz under the box, followed closely by the Monster Hunter missions.

Those are the ones I'd consider must plays, though I've played all of the games.

BL: Peace Walker is the only one I haven't played through, I must know more.  Or google it.  Either way.
GO: Peace Walker was mission based, for anyone not in the know, and features hidden missions where you face off against monsters from the Monster Hunter series. As for Paz, there's a mission where you talk to her for story, and you can approach her in a box, and she'll get in and the box will start to bounce around. It's kinda gross considering the age difference between her and Snake (Naked Snake, AKA Big Boss), but in the context of the series it's... kinda funny I guess? For reference, Snake is 15 years her senior.

(continues going through profile)
BL:  Hannah Montana: The Movie?  Very nice. 
GO: I made a point of making that my 100th platinum trophy as a joke. Terrible game, but not the worst I've played. 

BL: Did you know she is considered a folk hero in our state, and that we have two different holidays celebrating her life?  It's kind of a big deal.
GO: That's really silly lol.

BL: I loved old LucasArts adventures, so I'm curious as to what these Monkey Island and Sam & Max Series are about.  Which would you recommend more?
GO: I'm a bit biased - I looooove Sam & Max. Monkey island is a treasure (hah!), but the whole thing revolves around one character. Sam & Max I find that every single character is incredibly memorable and they're an absolute joy to play.

BL: Which Telltale series is the best?
GO: The Wolf Among Us, by far. Game of Thrones is the worst, again... by far.

BL: What's with the massive stretch of undated games with zero trophies?
GO: I added a bunch of games to my trophy list in order to help me track what I have available to play. Then I never played them. I have a few hundred games I own but never touched.

BL: Absolute best indy game on Vita, PS3, and PS4?
GO: Oh man, absolute best... these are the hard-hitting questions right here. It's probably at  the top of many such lists, but I honestly have to give it to Journey. Far and away the best experience on the PS3 and 4 as far as indies go, and it also surpasses many AAA devs' titles as well. It's an absolute masterpiece, and a must-play.

BL: Interesting, that's one that goe a physical release bundled with another game right?  It's always been somewhere on my to-get list
GO: Yeah they made a collection of the three games that the dev agreed to make Sony exclusive. Fantastic collection, with Journey easily taking the cake.

BL: Top 10 (or 5, or whatever you can remember) hardest trophies you got?
GO: To be honest I've not really found any trophies to be overly difficult. Maybe the Jamestown platinum trophy, but that was really more memorizing the hardest difficult, which isn't too tough for me since I love shmups. The aforementioned "You had one... Life!" was pretty tough. Lunatic on Outlast was kinda hard, though the XBOne version was much harder.

Honestly most of the actually difficult things to do in games don't even get trophies, I find. They tend to be freebies, or for doing stupid shit like "Get 10,000 kills in multiplayer". Stupid grindy shit, wasting away years of my life.

BL: What are the rarest trophies you have?
GO: The rarest are not to be mistaken for the hardest, as some are really quite easy, but a case of many people playing the game and simply not completing it.

These are my top 10 rarest trophies:

1. Capcom Arcade Cabinet: Retro Obsessive - Clock in 50 hours of playing time.
2. Sword Coast Legends: Master of Dungeons - Complete twenty five Dungeon Crawls as a Dungeon Master.
3. Sine Mora: Inter Caecos Regnat Strabo - Promoted to Captain
4. Sine Mora: Repetitio Est Mater Memoriae - Promoted to First Lieutenant
5. Don't Starve: The SIlent - Unlock Wes
6. Project Root: General - Hard game complete
7. Sword Coast Legends: Dominator - Possess five hundred creatures as a Dungeon Master.
8. Sword Coast Legends: Summoner - Summon one thousand creatures as a Dungeon Master.
9. Capcom Arcade Cabinet: Arcade Legend - Clear a game without using any Continues.
10. Sine Mora: Salva Veritate - Promoted to Lieutenant

One of the harder trophies I've gotten was for a very little known game called She Wants Me Dead. The trophy is You hade one... Life!, and required that you complete all ten levels without dying once. This was enough of a task that I made a video guide on how to complete it. To this day only 4 people in the entire world have earned this trophy and I am one of them. Here's the video I made if you're curious:

BL: Do you agree with Jimbo that Life is Strange is a masterpiece?
GO: Absolutely not, no.

BL: Ever play anything in this series?  The praise in this article has me super curious
GO: I'm something of a visual novel connoiseur, and I have played the Steins;Gate series, yes. First in Japanese and then again in English. To answer the inevitable next question pre-emptively, no, I am not totally fluent in Japanese. I know enough of the Kanji though to be able to stumble my way through most video games. As for this series, yeah it's pretty great! You do need to bear in mind though that as a visual novel it is just that, and really only that - you read a story, make some decisions, and see how it plays out.

Another visual novel I'm always telling people they should play is Hatoful Boyfriend. I even wrote a comprehensive guide for all of the paths on it and it's sequel!

BL: Hatoful Boyfriend?  Eh...... I'm pretty open-minded when it comes to everything, but that title is not making a great first impression.  Sell me on it.
The world has been taken over by birds. Not space birds or anything crazy, just... birds. Pigeons and such. You play as humanity's last hope, a high school girl, as you go to an all-bird school, attempting to redeem mankind in the eyes of the birds, lest they genocide all of humanity. You must make friends and fall in love to survive. Every bird is a potential love interest, and if that's not enough to hook you then I'd just say... trust me... it gets... crazy. I don't want to spoil it

BL: Sounds pretty cool.  Will definitely keep it mentally queue'd up.
Did you play through the Zero Escape trilogy?
GO: I have, yes. They're more escape rooms than visual novel, but the story elements are certain done through a VN style, so makes sense. I'm not actually big on puzzles, but I made an exception for these games, and Danganronpa.

BL: There is a visual novel on 3DS... and Vita I think, about wooing samurais.  I cannot recall what it is called, nor would I ever have the nerve to bring it up to a store counter.  You familiar with that game/series, and is it any good?  I'm asking for a friend...
GO: Hakuouki? Shit game, do not suggest.

BL: I'm gonna get a PS4 somewhere near Black Friday this year.  What 5 (physical release) games should I get?
GO:

1. Persona 5
2. Bloodborne
3. Caladrius Blaze (Asian release, but it's in English)
4. Dark Souls III
5. Outlast Collection

BL:Ever try to talk to your wife about trophies, NA, or video games in general?
GO: We talk about and play games all the time. There's no getting around that games are a huge part of my life, and while less so for her, I was straight up with her early on about that they would always be very important to me. She's really in to Final Fantasy XIV (the MMORPG) and has even been really enjoying the new Friday the 13th game. 

BL: Here are the inevitable silly and gross questions:
Would you rather lose your entire PSN profile, or let skinny dry hump you for 5 minutes?
GO: I'd sooner let my PSN account go. It's more of a burden than a blessing at this point. FYI, that means I'd happily lose access to about $10k worth of games and other content, and 9 years of my life, before letting Skinny anywhere near me.

BL: Would you rather lose your entire PSN profile, or your entire collection?
GO: PSN, see above.

BL: Would you let skinny dry hump you for 10 minutes, with release, for an entire NES set?
GO: Yeah, sure. My priorities are all fucked up these days.

BL: Battletoads or Double Dragon?
GO: Preferably neither, but in a pinch I suppose Battletoads.

BL: Life Force or Gradius?
GO: Gradius.

BL: Ikaruga or Radiant Silvergun?
GO: I have to be captain lame-o here and go with Ikaruga. It was the first shmup that gave me a serious challenge when I decided I wanted to git gud at them, and will hold a special place for me forever, as I'm sure it does for many others.

BL: Can you chain the entire game on hard?
GO: Nah, I mostly just do my best to 1LC shmups on the hardest difficulty, so that's what I did. 

BL: R-Type series or Gradius series?
GO: Gradius.

BL: Einhander or G. Darius?
GO: G Darius.

BL: G. Darius or Darius Gaiden or Dariusburst?
GO: I'll go with Dariusburst.

BL: Super Nova or Darius Twin?
GO: Darius Twin.

BL: Twin Cobra or Darius Twin?
GO: Darius Twin. I prefer fantastical shooters over helicopter and jet fighter stuff.

BL: MUSHA or Space Megaforce?
GO: Space Megaforce. I was never big on Sega.

BL: Star Force or Star Soldier?
GO: I never liked Star Force much, so will go with Soldier. 

BL: Think you could defeat pegboy in a shmup challenge?
GO: I'm confident I can beat just about anyone in a shmup challenge. I'm not familiar with this pegboy person, but I'm happy to take a shmup challenge any time. I might have to get some practice in if it's an older shmup as I mostly play Japanese bullet hells which play differently with path memorization versus what is mostly twitch reactions on the NES and SNES, but I'm up for whatever, really.

BL: He didn't participate in Gradius III (probably because of my rules), but perhaps he'll be lured out with the next shmup.  Did I schedule another one of those this year?  I can't remember.  Next year is EDF though.
GO: Sadly no more shmups this year for the SNES contest.  

BL: Lindsey Buckingham, Lindsey Lohan or Lindsey Graham?
GO: I have no idea who any of those are and so cannot provide an apt response.

BL: You've mentioned CoD 4 a number of times now.  What keeps you coming back?
GO: It's a really fun game with a dedicated and serious community. I'm an admin in a clan on there, and I play pretty regularly.

BL: Favorite band/album?
GO: System of a Down - System of a Down

BL: Ever listen to Dog Fashion Disco?  That is the closest equivalent I can think of.  Actually they're more like Mr. Bungle.  SOAD is probably more like later Faith No More.
GO: I have not listened to any of those. I'm one of those crazy people who can sit and listen to a single album on repeat over and over for like a year straight. I also really like Blind Guardian.  

BL: Favorite BG song and album?
GO: Honestly I have to go with the remixes in At the Edge of Time and Memories of a Time to Come for favorite albums. They took basically all of my favorite songs and made them better.

Favorite song... gosh there's so much good here... Curse My Name is definitely up there, Ride Into Obsession... Honestly the entire two albums I named above. Bard's Song... Fuck, all of it. xD

BL: Ever listen to Demons & Wizards?
GO: I have, yes.

BL: Ever listen to Iced Earth
GO: Can't say I have, at least that I recall.

BL: They're the other half of Demons & Wizards.  Starting changing their sounds in the late '90s to be more epic and Blind Guardian-y after their paths crossed
GO: I'll have to check them out!

BL: LeBron James, Kevin Durant, or Stephen Curry?
GO: I don't follow basketball (or sports in general), so I'll say Kevin Durant, solely because his last name reminds me of the stage select code for the ant boss on Boogerman - "Deodor-Ant" (if memory serves).

BL: Favorite movie?
GO: South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut

BL: Best song in South Park BL&U?
GO: I'll go with Up There. I love that song so much.

BL: I keep trying to remember that song in my head, and it keeps mentally playing Somewhere Out There from American Tale
Best song in Team America?
GO: Freedom Isn't Free.

BL: Agreed.  My wife likes country so I play it for her and tell her it is the one song like that I'll actually listen to
GO: I always liked Matt & Trey's over the top country parodies. "Where were you, when they built a laaaadder to heeeeaven?"

BL: Favorite book?
GO: Hyperion.

BL: Without cheating and googling it, I'm gonna say that's the sci-fi/fantasy book with the spikey/thorny knight-like figure on the front, right?  I picked that up once and considered it, but my book backlog nearly rivals my game backlog.  Sell me on it
GO: That's exactly it! I'm afraid I've tried and failed to sell people on the book before, and I blame myself. I am utterly terrible at describing it without giving anything away. Suffice it to say I 100% believe it to be a must-read, at least the first two books (there are 4 total, but there is a huge divide between the second and 3rd). There are twists and turns, and the whole thing is just so poetic (fitting, considering one of the characters is a poet). It's just... it's an incredibly well thought out universe. The first book consists primarily of all of the characters going on a pilgrimage telling their stories of WHY they are going on the pilgrimage - they had all been in some way connected in the past with the Shrike (spikey dude). I'd be lying if I didn't admit to shedding a tear or two at the story of the Jew; I'm not a father, but if you have an empathetic bone in your body, his story can turn you to mush.

BL: I'm a book neophyte (relative to things like movies and video games anyways) and have only read super well-known stuff like Ender's Game and Slaughterhouse Five.  What other books would you recommend to a nerd like me?
GO: The Mistborn series is amazing, I absolutely loved them. If you've read through Wheel of Time (Lol like 13 books who has time for that these days?), then you'll have had a taste of Brandon Sanderson's work, and the Mistborn series really ramps is up as he comes into his own.

BL: I read the first five WoT books.  I believe I can remember them as "they travel across the continent and grab a magic thingy, and then they travel across the continent and grab a magical thingy, and then they travel across the continent and grab a magical thingy, and then they travel across the continent and grab a magical thingy, and then they travel across the continent and grab a magical thingy".  Then I stopped and inertia got me.  Some day I would like to finish them up though
Favorite TV show?
GO: South Park.

BL: Favorite episode and character?
GO: Oh god so much to choose from. I think for character I have to go with Cartman; he's just such a bastard. As for episodes, there's just so many to choose from now that they're in the 20 season range. I'm actually watching through them all again (I've watched every single episode in order at least once a year since the beginning of time) and am currently on season 4, so those first 4 are pretty fresh in my mind right now.

My LEAST favorite episode has to be Good Times with Weapons. It's a brilliant episode, but I cringe seeing poor Butters get hurt. I consider myself a pretty empathetic person, and just thinking about this grade 4 kid having a ninja star literally IN HIS EYE makes my toes curl and my face cringe. That was certainly an interesting start to the 8th season.

I don't think I can honestly say I have a favorite. I love the show too much, and analyzing it down to a single episode is really difficult. There's an episode for just about everything, really.

BL: That may actually be my favorite episode.  Let's fighting love
GO: You're a monster.
I DO suggest though, if you ever get the chance, that you go and see The Book of Mormon. I got the chance to see it here in Toronto and it's the only real live theatre performance I've ever seen, and I'd happily see it again. Matt and Trey were really meant to be on Broadway.

BL: I would love that.  But I'm about a million miles away from anywhere resembling Broadway.  We're probably the US equivalent of the Yukon... my knowledge of the Yukon coming strictly from Calvin and Hobbes.
Butters or Mr. Garrison?
GO: Butters, natch.

BL: Randy or Jimmy?
GO: Randy all the way, man. Of the cripples I like the Nathan and Mimsy duo.

BL: Crispin Glover or Danny Glover?
GO: Crispin Glover is one of my favorite actors. :3

BL: Friday the 13th Part IV Crispin Glover, or George McFly Crispin Glover?
GO: Friday the 13th for life. That dance.

BL: Julian Glover or Donald Glover?
GO: Julian Glover. Not a fan of Donald.

BL: Doug E Doug or Doug Stanhope?
GO: Doug E Doug lol.

BL: Doug the cartoon or Glover the video game?
GO: Glover the game. I enjoyed both though. 

BL: Doug MacKenzie or Doug Flutie?
GO: Flutie, purely for the funnier last name.

BL: Doug E Doug or Doug E Fresh?
GO: Doug E Doug. You can never have enough Doug.

BL: Daniel-San or Cobrai Kai?
GO: Daniel-San for sure. What even is a Cobrai Kai? Sounds like some sort of butt stuff thing.

BL: Favorite week of the contest so far?
GO: Life Force, for sure.

BL: Worst week of the contest so far?
GO: Of those I've participated in I'd have to say Bayou Billy. I am no good at that game, at all.

BL: I gave up after an hour of trying to beat the one boss in Guardian Legend that threw out the long lines of toxic seaweed (or whatever) in rapid fashion.  What was the secret to that mf'er?
GO: Git gud.  

BL:


GO: It was mostly just recognizing where his beams were going to land; this is predictable based on where the last one landed. You can use this to your advantage to position yourself in basically safe spots as the fight progresses.

BL: Predictions for 2017 champ?
GO: This is a tough one. Life happens, and with continued hospital visits and my incredibly busy lifestyle, I refrain from saying myself, egotistical though I may be. Tablew/Chairs is captain show up outta nowhere with a ridiculously high score, so I'm prone to say Table may take it. Bea is nutso levels of good across the board and skinny is just nuts. Gutsman gets a shoutout for the shmup skills for sure!

BL: RC Pro AM predictions?
GO: Alas I've not been following along this week due to health complications, but I'll go with Table popping in again and posting some ludicrous nigh-impossible score out of the blue.

BL: Yoshi predictions?
GO: I really hope they move along from the yarn theme and give us a game in the style of Yoshi's Island, I always loved... wait, you mean the user? Quiet and/or new people are always hard to gauge as I'm sure you know, but newly high levels of activity always make me happy. I like seeing new faces and interacting, making new friends, so I wish Yoshi the best of luck!

BL: Love it
Think you've got the shmup crown all but in the bag?  Red probably won't return
GO: Yup.

BL: Who would you like to see get interviewed?
GO: Skinnygrinny; that should be interesting lol.

BL: I'm not gonna lie, I really want to do that one.  But is the world ready for that many typos and gibberish?
GO: It takes all sorts lol. I don't know if the world is ready, but hey, crazy is as crazy does!

BL: Now that you probably realize Yoshi is a video game, predictions?
GO: Haha I do now realize that it's a game.  

Still not sure what kind of game, primarily for lack of paying attention. I feel like that Yoshi user is gonna wanna put up a good fight in this game for obvious reasons, lest they have to give up their username.

BL: Defender II predictions?
GO: I'm confident I will put up a winning score on Defender II. I've played the hell out of it in the past. I expect the usuals to put up a good fight though, Skinny, Bea, Guts, and possibly some others.

BL: You're pretty confident.  Who would win at video games, you or Bearcat Doug?
GO: I imagine it'd depend on the type of game. ;P

BL: I knew you'd say that.  Other Doug would of instantly thrown the smack/arrogance gauntlet down!
GO: Lol I try to be as modest as I can where possible. If anyone would like to play a game though and have a competition of it, I am down.  

BL: Trudeau or Trump or... I dunno, Merkel I guess
GO: I'm not really big on politics, though I've been following the Trump thing for a bit. Trudeau seems fine, though to my knowledge aside from pushing for marijuana legalization I'm not sure he's really DONE anything apart from being devilishly handsome. *swoon*

BL: What do you think about the US pulling out of the Paris Accords?
GO: I saw it coming a mile away, Trump wasn't going to let that get in the way of his economics. It really shows how short-sighted the man is though, as really a more energy-efficient world is actually more economically sound as well. The thing is, it isn't so for his close friends, and that's his driving motivation in all things. You guys really need to impeach this man asap, or whatever it is you can do to say "this guy is incompetent, we made a mistake".

BL: Won't happen with the Repubs controlling all of congress, but the voter turnout in 2020 may be dramatically different this go around...
GO: We can only hope to make it that far at this rate.

BL: This is the point where I ask you what you want to talk about, or what questions you think should be asked
Or we can travel down the rabbit hole of stupid and absurd ones
GO: I'd not mind if you'd like to delve into the more personal stuff. Otherwise I'm down for whatever.

BL: Well you're out of the hospital now.  What went down?
GO: I'll pre-empt this with that that I would like to see more people in the future not being ashamed to go to the doctor for the more... personal concerns. Talking to those around you about your junk shouldn't be so taboo that you feel afraid to go to the doctor and drop trou. I have known people who have become incredibly sick because they didn't go to see the doctor right away when an issue popped up, and I am even guilty of this myself. There are people who are too ashamed to go to the doctor and have their privates examined, and literally DIE because they had colorectal cancer and didn't get it checked out soon enough to curb it; people who could have been cured have died because they felt too embarassed to see a medical professional.

That all said and in that respect, I'll be totally straight up with you here - I've had a few cancer scares in my life, down round the meat and two veg. Cancer has been a concern in my family for a few generations, so whenever anything even looks remotely close to maybe being that, I basically run to the doctor.

Happily thus far I'm clear, but better safe than sorry eh? Unfortunately this time around my "you're not gonna die" news came with a caveat - I have what is called a Varicocele. I'll give you another more google-safe term: Varicose vein. Basically if you've ever seen a grandmother's legs, they are pretty prone to these; big blue veins that bulge out of the leg, they are kinda sorta blocked, almost like a blood clot. The braver of you may search for Varicocele to see exactly what I have and will be presented with medical images of a man's balls, if that's what you're into. Varicocele is found in approximately 15% of the general population according to the Googles, so odds are some of you out there have one, and may not even know it! They often don't have any real negative effects, outside of one in a decage becoming inflamed and being uncomfortable.

As for me, I am the 1%. Not in the making far more money than the rest of you sense, but in that my darling little varicocele hurts like a bitch. This is new, as of the last week or so (time has been a bit of a bubble in this hellish world I find myself in currently) and at the best of times I have felt constantly uncomfortable, with a pulsing pain, like something is squeezing where I don't wanna be squeezed.

Happily today and yesterday I've been feeling more or less ok, and am hopeful that this is a case of "it fixed itself". I have an appointment with a urologist coming up regardless, but I'm hopeful for the future.

Seriously, guys and gals, take your health seriously. You have one life. One meat. Two veg. 

BL: Yes, I'm overdue for some... checkups, myself
Be honest though, your wife is the one who discovered those special varicose veins, right?  
I did google it by the way. And I won't be sleeping tonight.
GO: Haha no, I woke up one day wondering why someone had punched me right in the nuts. She was on vacation at the time, out of the country. I was all alone and in horrible pain for seemingly no reason.

BL: I had that happen once.  It was after I took on the Taco John's Six Pack and a Pound challenge.  Never again.
Who approached you about writing a book?
GO: I have a few author friends, and one of them is particularly familiar with the goings-on of my life. He apparently told his friend who works for a publishing firm about me, and they got in touch. 

BL: You also mentioning people dying.  Care to elaborate?  I've been in some bad situations myself, but nothing like that
GO: I used to work night security in a bad area of a bad city. One particular instance was actually before I was even on the clock! I was approaching the building with the office in it (I secured a group of apartment buildings) when all of a sudden I hear something hit a balcony above me. I looked up, and there was a man rolling down towards me (rolling as in hitting other balconies on his way down from the 8th or so floor). He landed head-first and popped like a watermelon (his head anyway). He made a huge imprint in the cement patio where he landed, and the noise was loud enough to get the attention of the woman who lived in the first floor apartment where he had landed. She comes out and there I am splashed with blood and brains and skull and whatever else, and she starts screaming. Naturally this woke everyone ELSE up (it was around 10pm), so I had a bunch of people now clamoring about it. I called the police, they came with an ambulance and the fire department (who were tasked with spraying away the blood, etc.). I had to give them an account of what happened, and help them investigate the apartment where the fell from. Afterwards I called my boss to tell him what happened and he asked me what time it occurred. I told him it happened at 9:55 or so (it did), and he told me that it happened while I was off-shift, so I was to not write anything I saw down; I was to simply write that it happened, someone called the cops, and they came so I met with them. He also informed me that there was nobody else available to take my shift (we only had two guards in the entire city and I was one of them, we were severely understaffed and turnaround was incredibly high), so I had to finish it out. Those next 8 hours went by really slow lol.

BL: That's pretty fucked up.  Murder?  Accident?  Suicide?
GO: I believe in the end it was ruled as suicide. Far as we could tell he lived alone.

BL: You appear to be a rather successful guy.  Ever throw that in the step father or father's faces?  Or are they completely cut out?
GO: My entire family save for my brother have been cut out of my life. I have no interest in what they think of me.

BL: Good for you.  My wife never knew her father, and I always tell her that he's given up on the priviledge of being in her life.  His, and their, loss.
GO: Exactly; I control my life now. I always say that "family" doesn't equal a free pass. If you're a shitty person, I want nothing to do with you, doesn't matter who you are.

BL: Yeah, surround yourself with good people.  One of my uncles once told me he'd "slap the shit out of me."  Fast forward to today and his kids are complete fuck ups and his wife fled to the east coast
Speaking of good people though, how'd you meet your wife?
GO: We met in high school, and have been together for 12 years now. We were just in a group of friends, and after hanging out a while, it sorta happened.

BL: What's she do for a living?
GO: She is an office administrator. Basically plans and makes sure everything is in order and happening across the office where she works. She works at "BAO", the Bereavement Authority of Ontario; they make sure consumers aren't being mislead or ripped off by funeral homes, and make sure the funeral homes are paying their fees and stuff like that.

BL: Most exciting story out of the BAO?
GO: My wife is relatively new at her office; she started on contract a few months ago, and is now hired on full-time as of... well last week lol.

BL: You mentioned claustraphobia in a post.  Does that prevent you from riding in cars, elevators, planes, or trains?
GO: All of those things, yeah. Travel is very difficult in general for me, I walk everywhere when I can help it.

BL: What about biking or dog sledding?  Seems faster than walking.  Is the claustrophia related to the attic incident?
GO: I do bike, though my front tire needs repaired right now.  
The claustrophobia is related to a number of things actually. Just an overall shitty upbringing. Having nowhere to feel safe can really fuck you up.

BL: Also, ever seen The Descent?  That'll make anyone claustrophobic
GO: I have, and yeah, it will.  

BL: Are you and the best friend still in contact?
GO: We are not, no. He doesn't know I did what I did, but we drifted apart over the years.

BL: Hopefully his dad was convicted and is still serving.  Or at least living in a dirty apartment with all of his neighbors knowing who he is.
GO: My friend's dad was convicted and definitely served time. I'm not sure his current status, but I always hoped it'd be a "for life" kind of thing. He had two daughters just a few years younger than me (let's say 10-12 or so at the time), and I can't say anything with any certainty, but I can tell you this man was the biggest asshole I've ever met. Honestly of all of the things in my life, having SEEN child pornography was probably one of the most scarring.

BL: As to being stabbed... well you and Bea (and whoever else) have that in common.  What happened?
GO: A girl had a crush on me and decided it would be appropriate to show her adoration by stabbing me in the side with a large screw that she found at a park.

BL: Right.  And where is she now?  Prison or the psych ward?
GO: Honestly no clue lol. Much of my childhood has become something of a blank, and is remembered like a dream at this point. Answering your questions actually reminded me of a few people I totally forgot existed at all. I don't remember her name, her face, nothing at all really. Just being stabbed because some girl from my class thought I was cute or something. 

BL: Did it impress the other ladies in class?
GO: Nothing I could do ever impressed any ladies save for the crazy ones, it seems.

BL: I have no comparable stories.  Other then the time my girlfriend in college hit me point blank in the face with a folf disc despite the fact I was standing besides and slightly behind her.  Ever play?  Perhaps some sort of urban version.  George Constanza calls it frolf
GO: I can't say I have lol.

BL: If you did write the book, what would be the first sentence of chapter 1?  Or maybe mock us up an entire paragraph or page?  I bet it would be good
GO: If I do write it, I think it'd be semi-autobiographical, and the title would be something along the lines of "The life of a 30 or so nobody". As for the first paragraph (or so), it'd probably go something like this:

The earliest memory I have is a literally hazy one; for some reason this day was unearthly bright, the room was yellow and my mother was vacuuming. I think I knew what she was doing as it relates to the world around me, but I have no clue with no prior memories why I knew that she was in fact "vacuuming", nor do I know why the memory is hazed - a literal fog hangs around the edges of this memory like some dramatic scene in a soap opera in the 90s. 

This book is intended more for me than for you dear reader, payer of my bills and reader of my story, I have no qualms in being truthful about that fact. A great many things have happened throughout my life and many of them have been dull and entirely relatable; I went to public school, I switched high schools after the first year when my parents decided they wanted to move, I worked for a year before college, and I became an office-sitting web developer. On the other side of the coin, I've been stabbed a few times, witnessed multiple deaths, and testified against my best friends father in a child pornography case. My home life was never pleasant and I've been abused to the point of breaking. But this is, as I say, more for me than for you; I don't remember much of this at the time of writing. Many of my life stories, interesting though they may be, or otherwise dull, have been very much repressed, but I wish to remember. I can't run away from the past anymore and so here I am, remembering. As I go through this exercise in rememberance, I am going to write it all down and share it with you. I don't know if it will be a good story, or relatable, or how it will review if indeed anyone reads it at all; I also don't know if it will help my claustrophobia, my night terrors, or insomnia. 

But hey, you bought the book (or stole it one way or another), and you're reading this sentence, so clearly I am a great writer and we're going to carry on through this together for better or worse.

BL: Dammit, now you have to write the book so I can finish reading it.  Strangely enough my own first memory is riding my bike through some leaves in the alley and noticing that just one of them was yellow.  And that memory also has a weird hazy or sepia tone to it.

I think my own book would be titled How to Win Friends and Influence People From Florida So They Can Be Manipulated For Personal Gain.  It would be similar, but with more stories about being a massive jerk in intramural sports and plotting Richard's downfall.
GO: Yeah it's so weird, it's a very bright memory; either it was a sunny day and all I remember is that "awakening", or there's something to memory that hazes these things out and makes them seem like a dream. Looking back I've found so many memories of people I totally forgot existed. There was this guy in my elementary school, he could "spit" from under his tongue (probably ejecting a salivary gland) in a straight line quite far; when we graduated in grade 8 I recall he did a very douchey spin when he went to shake the principal's hand. I remember wanting him to trip and fall, but alas this wasn't a funny gif online, it was real life, so the suave douche did his spin and everyone laughed and cheered and loved him for being a show-off.

BL: Well, thank you for opening up and sharing all of that.  Let's close with some less serious stufff...

Michigan musician, blood relative of mine
#1 - Are they an actively performing musician whose music can be heard on current X (being a variable for any genre of music) radio station(s)?
Answer - No
#2 - Hmm, is the musician still alive?
Answer - Yes, mostly
#3 - Is it George Winston?
Answer - No
#4 - Kid Rock?
Answer - No
#5 - Alice Cooper?
Answer - No
#6 - Stevie Wonder?
Answer - No

You get three questions.  Go.
GO: I have no idea what is going on here lol
BL: I'm sorry, you'll have to word that in the form of a question
Hair color?
Black and/or grey
Facial hair or no?
Both
Hawt or not?
So much hawt

The quiz will be continued with the next interview.

BL: Predictions for Defender II next week?
GO: Captain ego over here, I am confident I will do very well personally. Gutsman has told me he doesn't like the game, which leaves Skinny and Bea to try to take the crown from me. As if. ;P

BL: Final thoughts?
GO: Honestly I was surprised to have been asked for an interview, if only so soon after you've started doing them! I really appreciate the overwhelmingly positive welcome that greeted me in joining up on NA, and am happy to have made so many friends in so short a time. I'm not on other forums related to the hobby nor any Facebook groups so I don't see any of the apparent negativity that hangs around in those places, but at least in my short time here none of it rings true. Perhaps NA was once a place of elitism or whatever, but the NA of today is very welcoming and not aggressive at all, but rather quite fun and welcoming. So thanks to you Brock for all of your hard work, and to the others running contests and the like, as well as to the community at large for being a great place to hang around. You all rock!  

Have never been a fan of any Defender game. Never played it in the arcades as a kid. I found it pretty boring overall. 
 

Great interview and thanks for the shoutouts, I'm humbled. I wish you the best of luck as well Gloves, as well as youself Brock.

I'm trying to put up a good fight, but I have not out performed my score from earlier in the week, let alone 1st and 2nd. I might have a chat with arnpoly and Krunch afterwards and see how they approach this game.

I better not have to give up this username.    I was shocked that it was available when I joined.